Picture someone wrapping you in yellow caution tape, but the tape didn’t just say “CAUTION” in big bold letters – it was followed by “DISABILITY IS UGLY.”
“Growing up, I let that statement take control of how I viewed my body.”
This conditioned and toxic way of thinking was the mental space where my body image existed, although I never told anybody that. Why would I? There was nothing I could do to “fix” my body. I couldn’t go to the gym and sprout abs after having a protruded SMA belly. I couldn’t tone my atrophied arms and legs. There was no use in discussing it because my fate was to inevitably succumb to the fact that my body wasn’t appealing and never would be.
These sentiments were reinforced by the media and lack of representation of disabled bodies portrayed in a sexy way, anywhere. I’ve been taught to think that my body is broken and doesn’t work. I’ve been taught that I need to be fixed. I’ve been taught that my body curves in ways it shouldn’t, which means it inherently isn’t sexy. I’ve been taught that disability isn’t sexy because I’ve never seen a disabled person in a lingerie ad or in a teen heartthrob-type movie. The only way I ever saw disability portrayed in the media was as inspirational – the type of inspirational that only exists to soothe able-bodied people’s insecurities about themselves. Essentially, using disability as a vehicle to make themselves feel better at our expense. Gross. But, that all shifted as I started searching for answers.
When I decided to start sharing my story on social media, it consisted of my basic life narrative – showcasing how I live with SMA by showing people that my life might look a little different, but I’m still a human being just like everyone else. Looking back, it started out very natural and innocent. As I started diving into self-advocacy and hearing from other disabled activists on a myriad of different topics, one caught my eye and changed my life.
What I saw hit me like a ton of bricks. But not in a bad way – more in an “oh my God, where has this been all my life?” way. It was a post that included a picture of a disabled person in their underwear, owning their disabled body in a way I had never seen before. I knew I had to find out more. I read their post, along with their photo, and felt each little hair on my arm stand up as my mind started racing. They talked about how disabled bodies deserve to be represented in a sexy way and that they are NOT broken. They are whole… they don’t need to be fixed to be seen as sexy, because “pretty” and “ugly” are not real. They’re ideas that we are taught.
“Surely, we can retrain our minds to sustain this way of thinking so we can stop hating our bodies.”
That’s what I began doing, one sexy disabled body photo at a time. I posted these photos with a newfound respect and love for my disabled curves that weren’t ugly, like I had always thought. They were unique – just like everyone else’s body.
I made it my mission to teach all my followers my life-changing revelation: different is not ugly.